I’ve been neglecting this space for quite a while. I shall make an effort to blog every other day when I’m in Europe.

And when my last summer is over, I’m another step closer to graduation.

I decided to write down my new year resolutions down this year because I think it’s time to really plan my life. It’s not because that I am 21 but I am graduating soon. There are many things for me to take. I do not really have the habit of setting resolutions. But I guess I could start this year.

Let’s make this simple. 3 for 2011.

1. Make those people who mattered feel like they mattered.

This year has been a short year because I was in Shanghai for nearly a quarter of 2010. These few months alone have let me really reflect a lot of my life and I am guilty of not treating my family, Loong and friends well. I take them for granted. However, this year’s sudden deaths made me realize that life is really frail. I need to start treasuring people so that if one day they leave this world, I know that I had the best with them.

2. Do not make the job-hunting process difficult for myself

I always have this tendency to make things difficult for myself. At this moment of time, I know that I won’t have a great start in my career as compared to my peers. But I need to believe that I can end it better than the rest of them. Like what I told Merlisa, it doesn’t matter how well we start, it’s how well we end it matters. I hope I drill this deeply in my mind. Thank goodness for my ever-supportive parents and Loong who are not having any expectations for me. Thank you for giving me the freedom and courage to do what I want.

3. Be happy

I should be happy because I am very lucky. I have a perfect family though sometimes some of us engage in arguments but which family doesn’t? 家家有本难念的经. I should be happy because I have a fantastic boyfriend who treats me so well. I should be happy because Singapore is so peaceful. I should be so happy because I am not starving.

I should be so happy because I am living.

Hope 2011 will be awesome for you and me.

I am brave. I am strong.

Graduation is nearing. I know it’s fearful but I am more than excited for it to come. The anticipation for this ending has never been so strong. But what I fear now is what lies ahead of me. I am not a believer of any religion. No one can tell me to pray to guanyinma (my mum ask me to do that!!). No one can tell me that He will provide. When we were younger, it’s much easier to dream and talk about it. For no one will judge you. Your parents will just nod and say yes to whatever you say. When we grew older and people form expectations of us, it gets more difficult for us to express our dreams. We are afraid of judgment. We are afraid of failure.

I have been thinking about what is going to happen for me after graduation. I really have no idea. I have dreams, of course. However, I’m just not good enough. I don’t think I will have enough time to be good enough either. Sometimes when I look at those people who are fighting so hard for their dreams, I really respect them a lot. Because I have long lost the determination to fight anymore. And that is so sad.

Back to equity!

因为你是笨蛋，所以梦想会难成真。

所谓的“只要肯努力，就会成功”的说法其实是拿来骗小孩的话。

I still miss Shanghai dearly because of all the fun I have with my awesome room mates. This journey has been nothing but great. shall blog about shanghai one day when I’m too stressed about school.

Celebrated my 21st birthday with my family and friends. All made possible with my best boyfriend! This coming of age made me realize that I am an adult and graduation is coming. I’m actually very happy. I’m just still very confused about my career path because some dreams are just too hard.

I’m not going for exchange next semester because I know and was judged as not good enough. Thank you very much, SMU for reminding me about my self-worth. This whole exchange thing hit reality right in my face again. Sometimes, wanting it is just not enough.

However, the fact that I am not going for exchange gave me my options back as well. Those things I wanted to do can be achieved again.

Siau Ling, don’t let anyone tell you that you are not good enough!

Besides the complicated sexual relationships in the show, I still love the show the way it is. It amazes me how Yang cries about not being able to hold a heart, how Meredith dealt with her parental issues, how Alex’s complicated background make him who he is etc. I do not know what do the critics say about this show. But to me, this show is realistic and AWESOME. Sometimes, it wakes me up from the stupid thoughts that I have about the world and myself. Sometimes, it gives me hope. I think it’s been a while since dramas hit me like that. Talk about Gossip Girl. The only reason why I am still watching GG is because of their high-end fashion and good looking people. I know that I’ll give up on GG one day but never will I give up on Grey’s.